BELIEVER AND UNBELIEVER IN MARRIAGE?
I am 32 years old female, with a Doctorate Degree in Psychology. I have a good job, and a great and fantastic future. I am a Christian and a worker in the Church. My parents are Pastors in the Church where I worship. Recently, I met another Psychologist in a Professional Seminar and our meeting can be described as ‘love at first sight.’ Unfortunately, the guy is not a Christian but very caring and loving. Left to my parents, it is a ‘no go’ area, but I love this man and I want to share the remaining days of my life with him. As an adult, even though I stay with my parents, do I ignore the advice of my parents and marry this man? For example, one of my friends who married about three years ago to the son of a Pastor is no longer living with the husband, due to some serious issues. Sincerely, I’m really worried, but should I ignore the advice of my parents and go ahead to marry this man?
Thank you for the details of your question. I will mention without mincing words that you are not alone in this type of dilemma. In some of my Seminars and Workshops, this question comes up on a regular basis. Some of the participants would tell me that as a Christian that you could be ‘equally’ yoked with a Christian with good standing with Jesus and the marriage can still fail. They also claim that having a relationship with a fellow Christian does not mean that the marriage would succeed. I do not dispute their claims because recent Statistics from www.religiuostolerance.org, www.dalrock.wordpress.com and many other sources have shown that failure of marriages among believers is on the rise. Although, the questions I always ask such people are, because people are involved in vehicular accidents, does it mean that they should not ride in their vehicles again? Or, because Christians are not perfect people, does it mean that they should not go to Church again? I believe that the reverse is the case.
The Bible (NIV) states clearly in 2 Corinthians 6:14 “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” The Bible makes this message more succinctly, “How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong?” That’s not partnership; that’s a war. Is light best friend with darkness? Does Christ go strolling with the devil?” The answer is ‘No.’ A Christian Ministry (Mount Zion) produced a movie in Nigeria some years back. It was titled “The story of my life.” It was a must-see movie during any of our Youth programs in the Church then. This movie summarized the answer to the above question. Based on the story in the movie, a successful Christian lady, a daughter of a Pastor met a man who was not a Christian but pretended to be one. Her parents warned her not to marry this man but she believed his deceit that he would become born-again after their marriage. She went ahead and married this man, against the wish of her parents. From day one after the wedding, the problem started. The man was drunk on the first day of their honeymoon and graduated in bringing women to his matrimonial home. She lived to regret her action.
I will let you know that God gives us protection, peace, harmony and joy, as children of destiny. It is important to know that it is not easy to have a peaceful marriage when you do not share the same beliefs, values and priorities with your spouse. What is of value to you as a Christian may not be of a value to a Non-Christian. You may assume that the person would change: change to what? Like the story above, the man changed in a negative way and the woman could not file for divorce because of her belief and her Church’s doctrine also does not permit divorce.
According to Jayna Richardson in her article, “Equally yoked – God’s perfect plan,” she states that “some Christians may find themselves saying, but this person will change. May be so, God has the power to change someone, and we should never give up in praying for those we care about. But the verse in 2 Corinthians doesn’t say ‘do not be unequally yoked’ … unless you think the person will change. It says do not be yoked together with unbelievers” (www.familylife.com).