Are you a Parent or a Friend to your Child?
We started this discussion last month. A common phenomenon in our society today is that a parent chooses a particular teenage child among his/her children to be his/her friend or buddy. This is not the plan/purpose of God as ideal relationship between a parent and a child. For example, Deuteronomy 6, God gave certain instructions and commandments to the Israelites and in verse 7, He asked them to impress and teach their children all the rules and regulations they need to follow. He also emphasized the need for us to teach them (our children) about these rules and regulations both at home and on the road. Parents, you could see that you relate with your friends and you don’t teach your friends what to do but you teach your children what to do. No wonder, Proverbs 22:6 tells us to teach a child the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.
One of the major responsibilities of a parent is to discipline a child. If your child is your friend, it will be difficult for you to perform this role of disciplining him or her. No matter how much you love your child or how you care for such a child or how wonderful such a child is, there must be a time you need to say ‘no’ or you need to make a stand on a particular issue when there is a difference between the two of you. There must be a boundary, which is a form of limit between the two of you. For example, when I was growing up, when my mother was talking to a colleague, and I interrupted their conversation by interjecting my opinions/views, my mother would cut me short immediately and let me know that I was not invited. Tim Clinton (2011) once said that the reason the world has so many obnoxious, picky, spoiled adults, is because foolish parents raised so many obnoxious, picky, spoiled children. This writer agreed with this viewpoint.
The quality of your relationship with your child will determine the effectiveness of your discipline strategies. Unfortunately, many parents do not have strategy in disciplining their children hence the children continue to do what they think are right in their eyes, and when parents want to redirect them they would not be able to follow through and parents could not enforce rules and regulations hence there is a strain in the relationship. In order to please such children, you give them the liberty to do whatever they like, forgetting that when a child fails to do right, God would hold such parents accountable, as He did to Eli in the Holy Bible.
In order to be an effective parent, there must be rules to be followed and parents need to make sure that they follow such rules and regulations. Consistency is very important otherwise children would like to bend the rules.
Parenting involves raising your biological/adopted/foster children to be healthy adults, good citizens, and loving parents themselves in future. The opportunity to influence our children is when they are 18 to 20 years, especially when they live with us in the same house.
According to Tim Clinton (2011), President of American Association of Christians counselors, states that “raising children is high calling that God has given to parents. Whether there are two of you to raise children or you are a single parent, you cannot take this responsibility lightly. God placed certain people in leadership roles over children and named them as parents to be leaders in the home. Recognize that as a parent, you have been given authority over your children. In other words, you have been handpicked by God Himself to assume the leadership role in the raising of your children.”
No doubt, the above statement supported the Biblical roles and responsibilities of parents. It’s important to know that as bread needs yeast to rise, children need certain core ingredients that parents provide so that they could reach the potentials God has placed in them. Treating your children as friends is not part of the expected roles of parents in the lives of their children.
In 1 Kings 1:5-6, it was the story of Adonijah and his father. It was apparent that one of David’s weaknesses was the inability to discipline his children. His failure as a father led to a number of failures and sins in his children. As parents, we can influence our children for good or bad. There is no substitute for time invested in caring and loving which are expected from parents who discipline their children when necessary.