EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION IN MARRIAGE
Effective communication can minimize conflict, hurtful/abuse, arguments, anger and distrust in any relationship especially in marriage. Effective communication is the tool needed to minimize broken relationships and enhancing peace in any home. When this tool is properly used, the result will be amazing and peace like a river may begin to reign in our lives and families (Isaiah 66:12).
Have you and your spouse ever disagreed on something because one of you failed to understand the point the other was trying to make or convey. In journalism, it is called breakdown in communication. It is a tool to be used daily in dealing with one another. I have been married for about 30 years, notwithstanding, my wife and I still experience this problem once in a while. It can happen when I am not paying attention or when I am being distracted by other activities; especially any discussion during World news in the evening may not be well received by me because I will be distracted by the news. My wife would know that I was not paying attention when I made inappropriate response. Timing of communication can determine whether it will be appropriately received or not.
A man of God shared the story of a couple. The wife was celebrating her birthday. The husband was thinking of a gift to give to his wife, he decided to buy her a perfume box. Unfortunately, the wife didn’t receive the ‘package’ of information as intended. Instead of seeing it as a befitting gift, her reaction to the gift was that her husband thought she had a body odor. She didn’t receive the package of information as intended. If the husband is not careful, it can lead to arguments.
There was a story of another couple who always disagree on who would take out the trash on garbage pick-up dates. A day before pick-up, the wife would tell the husband, when would you take the trash out and the husband would reply, what are you doing that you could not take it out. By the time they met a Family Therapist, the Therapist taught them the best way to avoid argument over the issue of trash. The husband told the Therapist that he didn’t appreciate to be reminded to carry out the trash since he is not a baby. There and then, the therapist enjoined the wife not to remind him anymore and that once in a while, she could also take out the trash. That brought an end to argument as this couple began to follow this simple communication model. Husband and wife can enjoy marital bliss depending on how they handle the challenges or problems confronting their lives and marriage through effective communication. It is appropriate at this stage to consider how three couples in the Bible handled the same marital challenge of barrenness and the effect of such in their marriages.
In Genesis 30:1-2, the Bible tells us that when Rachel saw that she was not bearing Jacob any children, she became jealous of her sister. So, she said to Jacob, give me children, or I would die. Jacob became angry with her and said, am I in the place of God, who has kept you from having children. Remember, Jacob married two sisters: Leah and Rachel, the daughters and children of his uncle. The initial plan of Jacob was to marry Rachel. According to Genesis 29:18, Jacob was in love with Rachel and said, I will work for you for seven years in return for your younger daughter Rachel. Laban did not mention anything about his custom until the day of the wedding when he decided to play fast with Jacob by given him Leah instead of Rachel.
The Bible made us to understand in Genesis 29:30 that Jacob loved Rachel more than Leah. In verse 31, the Bible says when the Lord saw that Leah was not loved, he opened her womb, but Rachel was barren. The barrenness of Rachel was not due to immorality but because God closed her womb. Now when Rachel complained to her husband that she had no child, the Bible says Jacob was angry and dismissive in response to his wife’s agony.
Is this not one of the challenges of many marriage relationships today? Especially among African and/or Asian culture where barrenness or infertility is seen as the fault of the woman. Family members, friends and co-workers would remind or ask when we can come for the celebration of your new baby. Even on the day of the marriage, the prayer usually is in nine month’s time, we would come for another celebration. When this does not happen, the pressure would be on the wife. The general believe is that it is the fault of the woman.
I met my wife before we became born again and we married before we knew Christ as our Lord and Savior. We waited for four years after our marriage before we had a child. Those four years were hell for my wife and I because of the pressure from our parents, friends and relatives. Relatives continued to remind us that our parents would like to see their grandchildren. Mind you, we were not the only children of our parents. To the glory of God, they saw their grandchild but the challenge was tasking. At a stage, it almost became unbearable but by His grace, we were able to overcome it despite the fact that we were not born again. If God could give us the grace to overcome, you will overcome in Jesus’ name.