DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
Janise starred in the mirror at the bruise on her face. She had never imagined that this would be happening to her. She knew her husband Mark was sorry, he had told her so again and again last night after he had seen the marks on her face where he had hit her. He promised that it would not happen again if she would just give him another chance. Of course she would give him another chance.
Usman was concerned. Sherifat always had a temper and would occasionally slap him when she got angry. But last night she had been drinking and when she attacked him, she really tried to hurt him. Usman knew he couldn’t fight back but he didn’t know how much of it he could take. These are regular patterns where domestic violence is the order of the.
Domestic Violence or Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) is a pattern of rage and violence used as a means of control and conflict resolution by one spouse against the other. It often fellow a three step circular pattern:
- Tension builds until the abuser loses control. Simple argument or disagreement can develop to tension between them.
- Battering occurs: The batterer sometimes feels that the victim deserves it or that he or she needs to teach the victim a lesson, because this is the only way they know that issues could be resolved.
- Remorse: The batterer is sorry and asks for forgiveness. The tension is gone and he or she asks reconciliation and the batterer promises not to do it again or promise that it will not happen again.
The third stage of the cycle looks a great deal like true repentance. However, this is usually because of the absence of tension.
Domestic Violence is fueled by the batterers need to control his or her partner. When the victim tries to break the cycle, he or she can be in danger of more battering. People who engage in battering believe that it is the only way to exercise their control or power over the victim.
Whereas true biblical leadership in a marriage is based on love and servant leadership, not on the man’s control of his wife, and certainly not on physical coercion.
In most cases, domestic violence starts during dating relationship when partners exhibit the following:
- Use of force or violence to solve problems
- A male abuser’s need to prove himself by acting tough
- Rigid ideas of what the role of men and women should be
- The victim’s fear of the abuser’s anger. During courtship, people assumes that love is blind and that the person will change hence they ignore such abuse during courtship.
It should be noted that in public abusers can often be charming and personable but behave entirely different in private. That’s the life style of one of my clients, David earlier mentioned. In public, he portrays himself as humble, loving and kind-hearted person. He is a good Christian and a Sunday school teacher in his church.
The first time his wife of 10 years informed the pastor that she has been in abusive relationship in the past 5 years, the pastor could not believe what he was hearing. By the time he invited David he initially denied the allegation but later confessed that it happened when his wife provoked him. His pastor has to refer him to this writer for counseling.
The public behavior of David is common among many abusers. They can seem quite reasonable and can try to influence you, portraying their wives as irrational or rebellious and wanting you to see their side.
Domestic violence can be physical, mental, emotional, sexual and emotional. One thing I want readers to know, none of them is good. Both have negative effect on the affected person(s).
To be continued.